Telling you I've moved on, I lied.. I was once envied by people and they start coming up to me telling me "You 2 have the couple look", "so compatible" , "so sweet!" .. But As time goes, I realized, my heart turned bitter and sour.. I wanted tell them.. I envy you all. I lost my smile.. I miss it. But when it ended, I miss you. I miss our sweet and happier times.. I really miss you. Lately, I've been thinking of what to do. I kept using weird ways to make myself happy and make myself look as though I'm no longer bothered..

But deep down..

I'm hurt..

Today.. When I saw all the Display pictures changed, my heart sank. I know memories have to leave me one day.. But.. this 1 year plus relationship is one of the relationships that I could do anything for. I'm not afraid to go against the world. I'm not afraid of anything.. But I'm so tired of chasing for you already.. I can no longer do it anymore..

People now come up to me and ask " Did you get torture? " and "why you lost so much weight?" I've no idea what to say. I can't say the illness i told you once. I trusted you to takecare of me.. But in the end, our relationship got worse. I dont want to beg you to takecare of me or care for me anymore. Be it be a pillar or my shoulder.. I'm really tired yet I still love you.. How can my life be full of contradictions.. Why is my world full of unpredictable roller coasters?

I'm trying to act like I'm satisfied and contented with my life on twitter, blog (Roses district@blogspot) or instagram, etc. But every now and then, I wish you could embrace me once more..
I removed most of the things we used to have together, one by one (bands, photos).. My heart broke into pieces gradually. I've lost my sense of direction. Am I supposed to be a fool or acting like I'm strong? My heart is broken. I really want to get this stone out of me .. It hurts..



I really dont know what to do. I love you yet it brings pain. Why do you suddenly change? Why can't you be like how you used to be? The caring man who worries I won't have a cake. Worries that I will be sad because you knew how much i hated my birthday. Worries one day my tears will overwhelm me. Where are you, Martin.. I love the boy before my birthday and one month after.. I'm sorry. You once told me I was the one who caused you to be heartless. I'm so sorry. Is my sin. Im sinful. Now I just want to tell you. Don't be so heartless anymore.

For your future girl. She will be the happiest girl on earth. Dont be so heartless. Love her like how you once loved me and held me tight to your arms.

xx
Yuting.

I miss my smile.
I miss the times when I'm truly happy and I've no fear of getting hurt so badly .. Is been ages since I laughed my ass off that was from the bottom of my heart. If i realize it was a mistake, I would have made a withdrawal. But.. Many things became something that would stop me along the way. Till now..

I miss me.

Whats a relationship?
A cycle.

You love. You get hurt. You break up. You moved on. You love again.
Or...
You love. You hurt. You break up. You continue to love. Life dont goes on.

xx
Yuting.

Now it's 2am , which is the day that its been one year since we met and we first start texting, soon it will be our one year anni...
Few hours ago, u tweeted, you were sad nobody cared for u, Imediately without thinking texted u , ask what happen, u told me about the guy and stuff, soon after that, I told u about what my pri sch friend had told me about that Ryan dick, about his character , and Idk how u get ur answer , is it by asking him whether his a flirt an arrogant , or the guy who change that girls fast ? If u asked him, and u believe what he tell u, ur stupid . Which guy would admit his that kind of change girls fast...
And the worst part , u tweeted bullshits , meaning what? Say I bullshit ? Ur implying that I'm trying spoil ur relationship with him? If u fking think that why, Im so disappointed in u, really ... Think about it , im alrdy sick , sick like some dog , why would i go take the effort to go bluff u just to make ur r/s with him worst ?that one if want do, i can anytime do one .also, i tell u all that stuff, cause i want u to be prepare , dont be heartbroken...Why would I even be a guy tht do this kind of stuff ? U think I don't want u to have ur happiness ? If the Ryan fellow is a good guy , a better guy, a guy that his friend says his a good guy, I tell u, I confirm plus chop, let him have u hands down. But why am I not doing this for that Ryan? Thought I'm just a year older than u, but I have seen things more ., I don't wanna see you crying over and over again.
Another thing , u tweeted 'the stupid things I did in the past' . I asked u, did u regret our r/s , u said no, ok , I really hope u really mean it when u say no, but when I ask u , why u tweeted that an what it means, u tell me u had a past that u didn't tell anyone . I mean come on, I really want to believe , but how to? U tell me how to? I keep thinking , ur tweet , is it referring to the time we cuddle , we kiss ,we make out, did u regret doing all these things with me ? U made the book and photo album, did u regret doing that for me too? I really dk,can someone help me clear my doubts . Those stuff , our memories ,the things we had , I pass it to my sister to keep , next time when I ask for it, I will be over you .
Signing off
Marcus:)

Everyone has been asking me to move on ,but i simply just can't. I can't stop thinking about the good times we had together, when we hug each other body to body, the smell of ur hair and u , i miss all of them. I'm really worried about the guy, I really cant imagine him , kissing you , hugging u, cuddling with u, most importantly , have you.Yes  , i know i was consider a bastard for what i did, i really hope there would another chance for us. I know the chance would be almost 0% , sighhhh...but i would give my almost everything just to have u.
The reason I'm can't feel safe leaving u with the guy, because i heard alot of stuff about that playboy from my primary school friend which was in his clique last time, , my love, he is not what he seems he is. i want to warn u,but im afraid you would find me a nuisance,and not trust me. In fact I wish I could quickly snatch u away from him.I don't want him to be the next guy that making you sad every single day and night, it really hurts and piss me off, seeing you like this.

Just look at these two photos, look at the smile of yours, i want that smile on you.I miss that lovely smile of yours
 The kiss you gave on my cheek, u smiled while you're giving it to me. I really hope all this photo you did keep, like how i kept the photo , letter, the book you gave me. <3>













 The main thing , the whole main thing is , I want that smile of yours to be shown 24/7,u told me you were happy with him,from the way i see it , you don't. I'm sorry for being such a stalker,all i want is you to be safe , no heart breaks, just smiles and smiles. i wonder , when will be the next time you would text me,i will not text u cause i know u would find me annoying...well if you do text me ,I hope and wish our next conversation will never end, like how it started on 7th april 2012.In another 4 more days, it would be our first year we met, and in another 18 days, it would be our first year anni..I really wonder , would u rmb ?
Signing off,
Marcus :) 

What is love really? love is whereby u gave the opposite party the happiness that she or him need.
I wasn't able to do that.therefore some douche took her away from me, i couldn't blame her nor him, as it was because of him he knew her through her bday. I gave her happiness by letting her be with that guy, but the guy doesn't seem to treat her well now, what worst, she says she's moving on? what the fuck really happen.if i was given another chance , things weren't be the same . but now we're both living our separate lives....